You Could Waste Your Whole Life Chasing Pipe Dreams

Chapter Two

Reno, Nevada - Day 2 

"Hey, it's me,” I say.

I’m recording a voice message to Dave. I want to appear casual; cool, calm, and collected. But I am not. And the harder I try, the more I resent myself for it.

“I'm about 6 hours from Salt Lake City… that’s where I'm going to stay tonight." I pause, trying to find the words.

In the midst of my hysteria and confusion, I had forgotten to obsess over Dave. Now, the dullness of the drive compels me to think of him again. Why did he leave me in San Francisco? And why does he continue to call despite the way things ended? But I can’t ask him these questions. So instead, I try to reassure him that things aren’t awkward between us, that it’s not weird for me. I am unfazed.

"I thought about you this morning. I just wanted to say thank you for supporting me. I'm so grateful for your friendship. I just want you to know that."

As I set my phone down, I can feel the untruth radiating from within my body. Nothing I say feels natural coming out of my mouth. 

Moments later, I get a text message from him.

“MORNING… Yes, hitting the road already. I love it. You’re going to have a blast. Where are you now and where’s the next stop?”

I don’t know how to respond, so I just let the message sit there, hoping the answer will come to me the longer I think about what to say.

5 minutes later, he calls.